You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize