I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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