i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
