Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize