It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
