Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
