So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
