You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
