i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
