Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
