Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
