I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well you can't waste a boner
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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