One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
