My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
3 2 1 whiskey
Randomize