I bet he comes in French.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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