Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
