So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
