don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
