He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
