I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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