I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
