Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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