lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
