He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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