Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
