Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
