you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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