All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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