I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize