Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
barbara walters just said penis...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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