I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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