at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
