I looked at my own cervix.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize