I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
