He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
