dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
