Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
