Your tits are I can't wait for
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
