When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
