I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
