shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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