I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
