i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
