I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
