found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
