What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
