sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
