so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
