I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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