guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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