Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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