I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
