i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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