one might say we're banned from that church
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
