He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
