Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
