just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
