In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize