So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
