A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
two words: eviction party
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize