we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
