I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
