Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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