you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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