im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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