maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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