soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I need to align my fucking chakras
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
