My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
