'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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