Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
