Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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