God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
