i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
