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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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