My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
