Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
