Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
