just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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