Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
