So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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