is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
