She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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