I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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