Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
