Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
