Who wears a wallet chain?!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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