I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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