Having a random hookup so left but love u
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This baby is an asshole
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
