The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
