If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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