Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
