My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
