Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
