we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
