Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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